One of the things I like most about being a photographer is the flexibility. I love the luxury of working around my family's schedule. I usually thrive on a little bit of chaos. I don't like for life to be too scheduled and planned. However, sometimes life gets a little to chaotic even for me. The last couple of weeks has been absolute madness in the Sanders household. First of all, our new home is all finished! We moved in over Labor Day weekend. I tried to keep the move organized so boxes would end up in the correct rooms to make unpacking a little easier. Unfortunately, by the end of the move everyone was exhausted and we ended up just throwing boxes into the house with the plan to sort it out later. I think we were all stunned by just how much STUFF we own. The hardest part of moving was keeping my kids entertained while I unpacked everything. Although my husband called the cable company a couple of weeks before we moved in, there were multiple mistakes that have led to us STILL not having internet or cable nearly two weeks later. I actually drove over to our empty temporary apartment to use the WiFi to write this post. My kids have been great about playing and entertaining themselves when I've needed them to, but there have also been plenty of days when I desperately miss Netflix. To make matters even crazier, my oldest baby started preschool just two days after we moved in! Most of our belongings were still in boxes, but you better believe this mama had enough sense to make sure the necessities were readily available. I couldn't find my makeup, and I had to get a diaper for the baby from my emergency stash I keep in the car, but I had my coffee. That, my friends, is what I call having priorities. Of course, I have to give kudos to my big girl. Going through a major change can be very difficult for a 4-year-old and it's best to expect and prepare for an adjustment period. My girl went through TWO big changes in a matter of days and handled them like a pro. I'm not going to say she was perfect. There were a few days where she didn't get quite enough sleep or had an attitude, but overall, she handled everything much better than I expected. She was so excited about school, which made it a little easier on me. Although, I will admit I briefly felt like Gus Portokalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding because I wanted to cry out, "Why you want to leave me?!" I practice self-restraint and gave her a kiss and told her to have a great day instead. I managed to make it to my car before I shed a few tears. I thought I was doing great until her favorite song came on the radio. Nothing makes you feel like you've succeeded in life quite like sitting in your mom van, crying to Taylor Swift's Shake it Off. I don't know about you, but I'm stressed just writing all of that. I'm not done though. Less than a week after moving in, Hurricane Irma was threatening the South Carolina coast. Ultimately she turned to the west side of Florida instead, but we still endured tropical storm conditions and flooding here in the Charleston area. We boarded up our beautiful new house and prayed for the best. We were very fortunate that our new house suffered no damage and all our friends and family are safe.
Life is slowly starting to get back into a rhythm. We're almost done unpacking, and my girl is still loving school. Assuming the cable company finally has its ducks in a row, I should have internet within a week and can resume my usual blog posting and photo sharing. I'm looking forward to getting back into my normal, everyday chaos. Have a great weekend! +
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Unless you've been living under a rock somewhere, you likely know we experienced a pretty cool phenomenon in the USA yesterday. The solar eclipse has been all over the media for weeks now. As a photographer who lives within the path of totality, I was asked multiple times if I would be purchasing a special filter for my camera so I could photograph the eclipse. I may be among the minority of photographers in Charleston, but I did not. I knew there would be many other photographers who were better equipped to photograph an event like the eclipse (NASA for example), and I chose to enjoy their beautiful photographs instead of stressing myself out trying to get the best shot. Besides, we all know my specialty is photographing people. I like to capture the experience of the PEOPLE in an event and not necessarily the event itself. My husband had to work the day of the eclipse, so I took my kids out to my parents' house. They live a little north of Charleston and were supposed to have the longest period of totality. I spent some time explaining the eclipse to my 4-year-old using a flashlight and 2 rubber balls. My dad then helped her make a pinhole viewer from a cereal box. We tested out the projector, and I was actually pretty impressed with how well it worked! We could even see the detail in some of the clouds passing over. We tried to show my little one how to use the projector, but he's only 19 months old. This whole experience was way over his head. He had much more fun chasing frogs outside and generally being adorable. It was a pretty cloudy day, but we had a great view for most of the progression leading up to totality. My daughter watched through her pinhole viewer most of the time, but we allowed her to take glances with the eclipse glasses occasionally (with adult supervision and assistance). I was surprised by how quickly the temperature cooled as darkness arrived. My parents live out in the country, so the chorus of crickets and frogs is often very loud as evening falls. It was amazing to hear them suddenly come to life at 2:30 in the afternoon! My daughter's reaction was priceless, and I'm so glad I had my camera aimed at her in that moment. Once we explained to her that all the creatures were confused by the darkness, she thought it was hilarious! It wasn't long before the sun began to return. Unfortunately, a dark storm cloud arrived just moments before totality, so we missed the main event! We were all disappointed, but I was thankful I hadn't been planning to photograph the eclipse anyway. Instead I was able to capture an exciting day with my family. I'm sure one day we'll all reminisce about the great eclipse that was eclipsed by the clouds. Did you watch any of the eclipse? Were you able to see the time of totality? Tell me about it in the comments! There have been times in the years since you were born when I wondered what God could have possibly been thinking giving you to me. Not because of anything you have done. Oh no, precious girl... I wonder why God thought I would be the best momma for you. I think I'm a pretty good mom most of the time, but I often worry that one day you'll be sitting with your therapist lamenting all the ways in which I screwed you up and all the ways I could have been better. Our personalities are just so different. It's not that I don't understand you. I know every little facet of who you are. I've been studying you since the moment you were born. You are cautious and timid. You don't like to try new things until you've watched for a little while and are fairly confident that you could do them well. You are a planner. You are tender and thoughtful. I adore everything about you, sweet girl. But I fly by the seat of my pants. I'm loud and a little bit chaotic. I like to jump in with both feet and learn as I go. Sometimes I worry I'm too much for you and at the same time, not enough. Lately, however, in seemingly every day moments, I've been hearing God whisper, "This is why you were made for each other." Last summer, I made you take swim lessons because I thought it was important for you to know how to swim considering we spend so much time in or near the water. You fought me every step of the way. You rarely, if ever, made it through a lesson without crying at least once. This year, I decided to give you space to decide for yourself. If there's one thing I've learned about you, it's that you do things on your own timeline. You can't be forced. You have to decide when you're ready. Because I'm flexible and spontaneous, giving you the time you need is easy for me. God whisper #1. Two weeks ago you suddenly informed me you wanted to go to swim lessons. I called and asked the coach to squeeze you in for the last 2 weeks of lessons. It completely turned our schedule upside down, but I'm always up for an adventure whenever you decide you're ready. God whisper #2. The very first day of lessons, you informed me that you would NEVER jump off the diving board. I told you that was okay. You didn't have to jump off the diving board. I was still proud of you for choosing to go back to lessons and working so hard to improve each day. Over the next two weeks, you flourished! You were swimming well and jumping in from the side of the pool with confidence. You were still adamant that you didn't want to jump off the diving board, but I saw you watching the other kids... watching them jump while you sat quietly on the side of the pool. I told you it was okay to change your mind. You could try the diving board if you wanted. I was proud of you either way. Your cautious mind sometimes tells you that you can't or it's too scary. I'm the voice that reminds you that you CAN. I'm the one that believes in you even when you're not so sure, but I still give you the space to figure it out for yourself. God whisper #3. Then one day you declared that you were ready. I watched you climb up the ladder. You suddenly looked so small, yet I was stunned by your confidence. After a quick look to make sure I was watching, you jumped... When you came up out of the water, you looked for me to see my reaction and found me unashamedly cheering like a lunatic. Oh my baby girl, you finally realized you could fly...
God might have whispered then too, but I like to think He was cheering with me instead. "Whenever and however you intend to give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life." - Ina May Gaskin When I first started thinking about becoming a birth photographer, I received a variety of reactions. Oh! That's interesting! *Crickets* Ew. Why? The reaction from everyone who knows me well, however, was pretty much the same. Oh my gosh! That's perfect for you! It makes so much sense! If you've read my bio on my website, you know that I have always been the person with a camera ready to photograph life. Photography seemed like a no-brainer, but figuring out WHAT to photograph was my sticking point. Even just 5 years ago, when I gave birth to my daughter, I didn't really know birth photography was a "thing." I had seen beautiful photographs from births in all of my research and reading during pregnancy, but I just assumed those mothers were lucky to have friends or family present who happened to be photographers. It wasn't until later that I realized there is an entire industry of professional photographers who specialize in capturing birth stories. That's when this idea started growing. You see, when I was younger, I had a fascination with birth that was unusual for my age. When aunts or cousins were pregnant, I always asked a lot of questions and was enthralled when I was invited to feel a belly with a baby rolling around inside. In a class in high school, we were required to watch a birth video. While the rest of the class cringed, I sat in awe of how perfectly the female body was designed for birth. Then in 2012, I had my first child and I realized just how important birth photography can be. The end of my pregnancy became complicated very quickly. I developed gestational hypertension in my third trimester which was rapidly heading into pre-eclampsia territory. I was in and out of the hospital for a couple of weeks before doctors decided it was time for my sweet girl to meet the world. The induction was a pretty spectacular failure, and I ended up in the OR. I was completely unprepared for this turn of events. I had spent my entire pregnancy planning and mentally preparing for a normal vaginal delivery. Surgery just wasn't on my radar. As a result, I was at the mercy of the hospital staff. My daughter was born perfectly healthy. They showed her to me briefly before they whisked away my husband, my mom, and my daughter. I was left alone in the OR with a bunch of strangers begging for someone to tell me what was going on with my baby. I missed so much. My husband held our daughter for the first time (the first baby he had ever held) while I was still in the OR, and I don't have a single picture to show for it. Our families watched through the nursery window as she was weighed, measured, and foot-printed, and I missed all of it. I finally met my daughter about an hour or so after she was born, and I'm so thankful my doctor grabbed my camera and began snapping pictures because I honestly don't remember it. I have some fuzzy memories from those first moments holding my daughter, but most of them have been lost in the haze of anesthesia. By the time I was pregnant with my second baby, I had quit my full time job to stay at home. We couldn't afford both a doula and a birth photographer. Since I was planning a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), I really wanted a doula to help me navigate this birth. However, I still desperately wanted pictures. I sat down with my mom, my husband, and my doula during my third trimester and expressed to them how important photos were to me. I told them my camera would be available to any one of them at any time. I told them to take pictures of everything. They listened. They took turns with the camera throughout my labor and delivery. Unfortunately, I went through a long, exhausting 50 hour labor and delivery. I am so incredibly thankful for the pictures I do have, but I often wish I had been able to hire a birth photographer. Someone who hadn't been awake with me for 2 straight days. Someone with a fresh perspective.
The births of both of my children changed me. They taught me about myself: my strengths and the lengths I would go for the sake of my babies. They were the two most life-changing experiences of my life, and I will forever wish they had been captured with the same reverence I feel when I think back on those days. I chose birth photography because it combines two things I'm passionate about: art and motherhood. However, I also don't want anyone else to miss moments like I did. I want every mother to be able to look back and see the combination of her own strength and vulnerability. I want her to look back on the way her partner stroked her hair and stared at her in adoration. I want her to be able to see the look on her own face when she laid eyes on her precious baby for the first time. I want to capture all births with the reverence that bringing new life into the world deserves. |
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